I found myself once again trying to find encouraging words to help instill self-confidence in my daughter. She sometimes experiences difficulty in social settings such as school, church and in some cases during sporting activities, even though she is quite athletic. As a father, I wish that I could come to the rescue with some magical solution to prevent her from experiencing the challenges associated with low confidence.
Some Psychologists assert that lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem can stem from traumatic childhood experiences. As adults, it can be caused or compounded by other traumatic events such as abusive relationships, divorce, loss of their livelihood, etc.
Others view self-confidence through the nature vs nurture lenses. That is, self-confidence may be determined by one’s genetic makeup, therefore one may be predisposed to lack self- confidence. Where the nurture argument claims that this behavior is shaped by the environment surrounding the person. Parents, teachers and friends can significantly influence self-confidence one way or another.
Self-confidence is an important trait to have in professional and social settings. Conversely, lack of it can ruin careers and social opportunities. It can cause a range of psychological effects like stress, anxiety, and depression. Even though I feel that I have had pretty successful professional and social experiences, I admit that my confidence has not and is not always at the highest levels. However, I have found ways to overcome or manage this feeling when needed. So I began to contemplate on the things that I have done and sometimes techniques that I used. I figured that doing so would potentially help me devise a plan to help others like my daughter build their self-confidence to new heights. I strongly feel that self-confidence can be learned and developed over time.
What can you do to build confidence?
1. Discover your passions and strengths and build upon those as a foundation to raise your confidence to the next level.
2. Identify the raw talents and skills you already possess, and hone them until you have reached mastery.
3. Spend time with people who fuel your confidence through empowerment, mentorship and support.
4. Create opportunities to win: This will help to build confidence over time. You could look back to the wins you have earned to build the courage forward.
5. Stop being so self-critical. Don’t waste time obsessing over or comparing to others. Blaze your own trail and be proud of your uniqueness. Be the best you!
6. Cease negative thoughts and pessimistic talks. Focus on the brighter side of things; there’s always a brighter side.
7. Learn from losses. Transform these challenges into opportunities and lessons instead. Over time this engenders a different attitude and ability to see things from a more positive perspective therefore preventing losses from paralyzing you.
8. Journal about the thing for which you are grateful. Over time, you will begin to realize how special and blessed you are already.
What can you do to help others build their confidence?
1. Provide them personal and genuine support.
2. Feed them with optimism and belief.
3. Don’t treat them as they are, but what you expect them to become.
4. Set higher expectations over time, as they improve and grow. Most people will rise to the expectation given. Help them stretch.
5. Encourage them to commit to finishing what they started.
6. Help them view their growth and learning trajectory as a journey, and move away from a fixed mindset, becoming more flexible and adaptable to transformation.
I’m optimistic and CONFIDENT that with patience, but hard work, the above steps can help transform my daughter and others into courageous and confident warriors ready to take on any challenge.