I recently took some time to reflect on my leadership strengths and areas that need improvement, as I prepared to provide input for my mid-year counseling. The Navy requires yearly performance evaluations and counseling six months thereafter. For the purpose of this blog, I’d like to focus on one of the areas I seek to improve as I move towards the next season in my journey. During this process, I determined that I wanted to improve my listening skills. Good leaders listen well, great ones take listening to the next level, allowing them to connect, relate, and understand.
This is not to say that I don’t listen to others well, although my wife might have a different opinion. I certainly didn’t get to this point in my leadership journey without listening, observing and learning from others. Fortunately, I have come across many leaders who I have listened to very carefully and reaped the benefits of their wisdom. While I am in a technical field, as an Naval Officer, I am not always the most technical or knowledgeable member of the team. I have been charged to lead and manage hundreds of junior Sailors throughout the years who are technical experts in their field. I must ask good questions and listen to them carefully in order to fully understand, make sound decisions and more effectively execute the mission.
However, as I get older and senior in rank, I have begun to really appreciate the true power and importance of having good listening skills. Listening is a crucial skill to have as a leader, whether in family, community or work settings. Listening helps create connections with people at intellectual and emotional levels. Listening demonstrates that you care and value others’ opinions, which help strengthen relationships. Active listening shows vulnerability, authenticity and patience. Listening shows interests, patience and empathy. “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” Andy Stanley.
Like many things in life, it is easier said than done. So, while identifying an area needing improvement and realizing why it’s important are the first steps in the growth process, it is insufficient. I have decided to list specific behaviors associated with effective listening that I can work on and commit to.
- Set reminders. This may seem simple, but setting reminders might be the trick that helps get me to the next level. Larry King once said, “I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say today will teach me anything. So, if I am going to learn, I must do it by listening.”
- Stop, then listen. Multi-tasking while listening causes distractions and keeps leaders from being fully engaged. It risks missing the point and making poor decisions. It also makes others feel undervalued or that they simply don’t matter enough. Over time, they’ll simply stop coming, which hurts you, them and erodes the organization’s culture.
- Avoid formulating a response while listening. This prevents full connection with the speaker. There is an inspiring quote that represent this well, “listen with the intent to understand, not to reply.” Lean in and fully immerse yourself in the conversation.
- Ask good questions. Ask open ended questions that make others think and respond. Develop good questions ahead of meetings. “Asking the right questions takes as much skill as giving the right answer.” — Robert Half
- Be fair and open minded. Don’t begin a conversation with preconceived judgments about others. Give others a fair chance to express their ideas. Be open to others’ constructive criticism. Welcome opposing views and respectful dissent.
- Avoid interruptions. Wait for a pause before asking clarifying questions. Sometimes interruptions cause others to lose their train of thought and gives the impression that what they have to say is not important.
- Listen to what’s not said. Communication is not only about what one says in words, but what is communicated through nonverbal cues like body language, long pauses, and facial expressions. This does not only apply to listening to the main person talking, but reading the situation in the room without losing touch with the speaker.
- It’s not about me. I have accumulated many experiences and have many sea stories after three decades of naval service. I like to share stories and examples with others to relate and share understanding. However, one or two examples may suffice, if any at all. It’s about them.
The next step in the process is to assess and evaluate whether I have successfully embraced the change and began to grow to the next level over time. So, I asked myself, “who can I trust to tell me the unadulterated truth on this subject. I thought of two people, my wife and my Chief. While my supervisors are well equipped to give me constructive criticism, 90 percent of my daily interaction is with my Chief. He not only works in close proximity to me, but leads those who I have the greatest impact on. He has a good pulse on their state of mind, motivations and frustrations. Of course, my wife can provide me feedback on my interactions with her and our children. Obviously, I am my greatest critic, so I will continue to take note of the effects this may have on members of my team and greater partners across our organization and beyond.
The midterm counseling process can be impactful to one’s development if taken seriously. Unfortunately, this process is often rushed and minimized. I will commit to using it as an opportunity to reflect and self-evaluate as I continue to grow as a leader. I hope others consider this tool and process to do the same at any point of their personal lives and careers.